silverholly

I feel your pain as you write your words
your anguish cuts deep into my flesh
but you are so far from my reach
how do I soothe it all away
I want to hold safely in my arms
and kiss away your despair
let you see yourself through my eyes
my beautiful friend
to caress away the loneliness
a delicious distraction
taste the sweetness of my love
so you see the beauty of your life

you stereotype me
a classification
because of where I live
Is that how you see me
a geographical location?
because of where I reside
does that make me less than?
unworthy?
beneathe you?
a friend
what is its meaning?
different things
to different people

you don't know me at all
on the outside
my eyes are blue
my skin is fair
my hair is red
my lips are full
my body voluptuous

and my heritage
I am ...
English
Scottish
Mohawk Indian
Hungarian
I am the best of all my ancestors before me!
I carry their blood in my veins
I am proud of who I am

on the inside


I am capable of much
kindness
Love
compassion
passion

remove your blinder,
open your eyes
don't judge me
on the merrits of others


can you see that????
or do you just see
An American

My 1st exhusband calls me and starts his shit. I just got out of work and he is having a fit because jessy is avoiding him. He is thinking the reason she doesn't want to talk to him is because she is doing heavy drugs and then threatens to slit her boyfriends throat. I just lost it on him the fucking asshole, no good piece of dog shit. Hell dog shit is to good for him! the fucken phsyco bastard. Who does he fucken think he is. God I hate him so much. I forgot how much I hated him. he reminded me. I really know how to fucking pick them. this guy made my life miserable when we were together. I will be damned if he will fuck with jessy's life.
he's talking about drugs he was one of the biggest drug dealers back in the 80's. One of the many reasons I left him. he got off on torture to. he terrorized my brother and I and one day I snapped and fought back. I used to hide jess in the closet and fight him. He used to stalk me all the time when I left him. can we say bear traps around the windows???? If it weren't for fear of hurting animals with it. I would enjoy it. shot gun full of rock salt!!

He better just stay away from jessy I swear. bekah could hear him and she was on the other end of the table. she said she has my back. this guy really brings out the worst side of me!!!!!!!

It started when I was 9 and this man came to our house and his name was John J McKee but we called him Jack. He was this old irish man who had the hots for my mom. I hid from him, I was afraid and untrusting of most man both young and old. My behavior toward him annoyed my mom but unbeknown to her I was being repeated molested and beaten by my babysitters and their sons. And I was afraid he would do the same. Was I ever wrong.
This man and I built an healthy father daughter relationship and were very close. He was my knight in shining armour more times then I can count. He gave me many beautiful experiences. He saw somthing in me that I was having a hard time seeing. He saved me from beating from my mother more times then I can count. He told me stories of Ireland, showed me the beauty of Ireland. He even went through my teenage years with me. When my mother put me away in a foster home he held my hand. when she put me in the emergency shelter, he went with me. when I came home drunk he took me out of my mothers way so I wouldn't get beaten. He was always there for me. He was a good man.
He never liked his picture taken at all, something to do with some trouble back in Ireland when he was a younger man. He disappeared when I married bill (my 1st husband) because he did't like him. He saw what I refused to see. With steven I was isolated from many people but he showed up one day when steven wasn't home I was pregnet with Bekah. we talked for awhile and then he was gone. In 2005 I thought I found him. His Birthday was march 30.
A letter came back to me to tell me he passed away 2 years before and that they were thowing stuff away and found his license(the only pic in exsistence)and something stopped her from tossing it out. I carry his pic with me always. He would have been 85 this year.

then there is Frank, the old Irishman that I care for. He is one very cool old dude. He was missing Ireland and so I went on line and found all this family history. Everything I could and made him a book(which I will have to do again because his nephew took it!) that I read to him every day. I try very hard to keep Ireland alive for him and in doing so it makes me want to go there. bekah went and brought me back shells from the Irish sea and a stone covered in moss.


Oh yes and I can't forget wordsofivory who was there for me when my whole world was dark and desolate.(my 1st year in Ohio) to all of you I am deeply grateful. each one of you have given me so much in many diffent ways. How can I not want to go to a place where so many beautiful things where born.

Created by : shetakaey


You Scored as Discordian
You are a Discordian! That makes you a real oddball, and this is a fact in which you take great pride! Everything is funny, and really, who cares anyway? Synchronicity is the Great Cosmic Comedy, and meaning is where you find it! Have you hugged your paradigm today?



Discordian
90%
Aimless Eclectic
85%
Spiritualist
85%
Mystic
75%
Otherkin
70%
White Lighter
55%
True Alternative
55%
Magician
50%

You Scored as a : Discordian Discordian 90% Aimless Eclectic 85% Spiritualist 85% Mystic 75% Otherkin 70% White Lighter 55% True Alternative 55% Magician 50%

I am so freaken pissed off right now that I want to scream!!!!! My son who will be 19 is acting like his father. Won't work, never has gas for work but does for his friends. He is becoming a strain on me. We got into a huge fight. I did most of the yelling. My throat was already sore. I told him I won't have dead beat living with me. he can get the hell out. I get tired of these guys and their shit. Steven hasn't paid child support in a long time. I told jacob that he better get his shit together because I won't have him suck off me. My grandmother let my uncle do that and now that she had a stroke he is sucking up to my mother. a grown fucken man who is very capable of working but chooses not to and now is a burden on my mom. Why does my mom do it????? out of guilt because nanny made her promise to look out for him. the same guy who robbed my grams blind when he lived there. I don't like him if you couldn't tell. I will not let that be my fate with Jacob. I have 3 girls who show so much responsiblity who are deturmined to rise above all this. Who work hard and excell at all they do. Jacob is like his dad who works when he feels like it and lives off his mother. I don't have time for his shit though because I have to much on my own plate with getting my girls to college and keeping rebus healthy.

ok my rant is over and I feel alittle better.

It has been over a year since I have posted on my journal. My grams had a debilitating stroke back in 2006 and since then it has been difficult. Right now I have the flu. my kids are doing great though. Jacob turns 19 next week and is getting new job. rachael is an honor student and got a babysitting job on the weekends. Bekah is going to western europe for 3 weeks while we are at brushwood this summer. first she is going to spend to harvard for 2 weeks and then w.europe. we are going to ohio next week because rebus needs to see his dr. we are staying with his friend steve in pa. I am still trying to figure out the best move this summer. I want to move to kirtland but the kidss father is back in the scene after 2 1/2 years so we are seeing where that goes. I am really tired so I AM GOING TO GO NOW . GOOD NIGHT
SILVERHOLLY

I know that it has been a long time since I have written anything but my life has been in a whirl wind. Well first off I did get our sirus rising proposals in for our workshops. been working and studying to become a natural health care provider. raising 3 teenagers working in a job that I don't like. exhausted all the time . my grams had a severe stroke 4 weeks ago and my whole ouer family is in tourmiole. then to top it off some one was watching porn while I was at work and I know it wasn't my kids but know one will admit to it so then someone is lying to me. I can't accuse because I wasn't there and I don't like to share my inner knowing anymore nor do I like to shaer my feelings with the people around me anymore. I know I need to make an effort to write in my journal because it is very theraputic and it is my outlet and I don't get judged by the people who read it. here it is safe to trust. I am planning to go to feast of lights with earth spirit in north hampton mass. so I can see orion foxwood. sweet Goddess I miss him so much. The the faery fest at hiland farms in pa. I have a friend who is affiliated with them who just informed me he has prostate cancer and I need to get out there to see him. then before I know it there will be sirus rising and starwood. this year I am not working the festival just enjoying.well now I need to go it is my bed time. to all my lj friends merry yule or merry xmas.
blessed be and much love.
Silverholly

This Tarot Reading was printed from Tarot.com.




Your Question: $5000. a month now and perfect job/home in ohio by march 2006
Name: Name your reading. Nov 30, 2005

Your Interpretations

Self: Queen of Wands


© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Decisiveness and a willingness to lead produce tangible rewards.

The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now.

When the Queen of Wands is in this position, you are likened to a highly intelligent manager who not only wants to know about everything that's going on in her environment, but also to be involved in and administer everything. The Queen of Wands has a directive and energetic nature; she is goal oriented and practical.

She's sometimes portrayed as a farm wife who is as busy as the day is long, from spring through fall, overseeing any number of activities related to agriculture, animal husbandry, raising and educating children and taking the crops to market. Like this queen of the operation, you have your hands full; you are the axis of production. It's a joyful experience to contribute so much that is so tangible.


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Situation: The World


© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
You drew your arrow and hit your target with the style of a skillful archer.

The card that lands in the Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.

When the World is in this position, you appear to be approaching circumstances that previously existed only in your imagination. After years of effort and struggle, matters may seem absurdly easy now. Your ambition, inspiration and perseverance have taken you toward your desired outcome. Now you are zeroing in on the bull's eye, having explored the territory and brought yourself to its center.

Pause for a while and enjoy this moment. Recognize that you have completed what you set out to achieve. You are the person you wanted to be in the presence of the company you wanted to keep. You now inhabit what used to be a dream.


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Challenges/ Opportunities: Two of Cups


© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Open yourself only to those whom you know are committed to their principles.

The card that lands in the Challenges/Opportunities position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.

The Two of Cups in this position presents an opportunity for you to reveal yourself at a deep level of trust and truth, but do so only with those who have earned your trust and have proven their loyalty. This is definitely not a time to forsake your boundaries and merge with someone, even if this is what your instincts and desires are pushing you toward.

You may feel completely smitten and would like to be swept off, but don't give yourself away! No relationship that is realistic will expect or demand one hundred percent surrender. No healthy person would accept such an expectation in the name of love. It's not required that you rescue anyone or be rescued, or that you risk everything for another. Give up dramatic agendas. It's most important that you meet half way, with hearts open, and get to know each other better.


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Foundation: Seven of Coins


© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Someone showed you how to be persistent and steadfast in pursuit of your goal.

The card in the Foundation position points to influences from your personal history, your roots and background.

The Seven of Coins in this position suggests that role models from your past have offered you a remarkable gift: the wisdom to choose a prudent, slow and steady approach to climbing your mountain. Somebody showed you how to compound the interest earned by regular steady effort.

Now you know how to invest yourself in a focused way, persevering toward a long-term goal. Before you take the next steps, look back to the person or situation that taught you, so you can reinforce this valuable learning. Doing so will provide a firm foundation that allows you to continue your current endeavors and significantly add to your chances of success.


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Recent Past: Eight of Cups


© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Now is your chance to recover personal power and self-esteem.

The card in the Recent Past position refers to events that are just departing, recently influential but now diminishing in power.

With the Eight of Cups in this position, you have been through a situation that left you feeling assaulted. You felt exhausted overwhelmed, drained -- as if a plug had been pulled within you. Take heart -- because this card implies that difficult conditions are on the wane.

The worst of your sadness and feelings of being overwhelmed have lifted. But you have yet to collect yourself and move forward, which is what you must do in order to fully recover. Take special care to get closure on this episode. As the future brings new influences, you don't want to be dwelling on the past.


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Higher Power: The Fool


© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Whatever you do stimulates you; you can do no wrong.

The card in the Higher Power position reflects the broader perspective and influence of your conscience, Guardian Angel, inner wisdom.

When the Fool comes up in this position, whatever you do will be interesting, creative, opportune and unique. Moment to moment, the grandeur of creation is a source of constant wonder.

There is no need to invent further adventures, send yourself on quests or summon adversaries to challenge you. The Fool has no need of plans or schemes to stimulate or intensify his life. He simply feels the wind in the feather of his cap, points his nose and wanders. Savor this beautiful moment.


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Near Future: Judgment


© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
You are getting ready to open like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly that will emerge with new wings.

The card in the Near Future position indicates which way the wind is blowing with regard to your situation. If you follow the Advice card, however, you can improve on or neutralize tendencies.

With Judgment in this position, it appears that you are either accidentally or intentionally heading towards an encounter with some catalytic force that may transform your personality. Your sense of identity is being reformed. A sense of reunion may prevail because all the individuals pictured on this card are incarnations of the same soul meeting in a timeless place. You are uniting with your various selves.

As you assimilate all of your fragments into a larger sense of self, you will become a more whole person--deeper, wiser and more universal. Trust this clear channel of being and the response it evokes in others.


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Blocks & Inhibitions: The Tower


© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Sometimes the cost of self-control is simply too high.

The card in the Blocks position points to self-undermining tendencies, areas where you could be in denial, where you could get stuck -- unless you examine yourself and make some corrections.

When the Tower appears in this position, you are suppressing a tremendous emotional charge and it is taking a toll on your body. This lightning bolt, instead of being released, finding its target, getting grounded and spending itself, is trapped within your body, zapping your internal organs and nervous system.

Consider whether you are suppressing a truth that should be acknowledged, spoken and acted upon. Taking those steps will set loose the lightning that creates permanent change. Allow your desperate desire to be on the other side of this issue to overcome the fear of invoking change. The energy is simply too intense to contain.


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Allies: Nine of Coins


© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Put your personal stamp on resources and positive traits you have inherited.

The card in the Allies position points to people who can be supportive or helpful to you at this time.

In this position, the Nine of Coins suggests that you are well connected. Your way can be made easier by those who came before you, who created channels of access, or traditions of success, which you may now enjoy.

Your creativity and a fresh approach can make it easy for you to apply the resources -- inner and outer -- at your disposal. It would be ungrateful to ignore your blessings or waste time fooling around rather than learning how to better manage your personal inheritance.


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Advice: The Hierophant


© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Develop your expertise, and have faith that you are a master in the making.

The card in the Advice position suggests a course of action which will harmonize what you want with what is currently possible.

The Hierophant in this position advises that you return to the role of a meticulous student. Learn everything you can about your chosen area. Let that knowledge become a part of you and an operative influence on your day to day awareness. In this way, you can slowly and steadily establish real credibility in your field or chosen subject.

Earn respect and recognition by completing your education and broadening your experience. If you already have all the necessary experience you need, then rewrite your resume so others can appreciate who you are and what you can bring to a situation. Focus on your goal and be determined. You may be destined to be a master in your realm.


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Long-term Potential: Knight of Swords


© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
You can direct the situation without controlling it. Be creative and flexible.

The card in the Long-term Potential position points to unknowns still taking shape. It is the "wild card" yet to be played.

With the Knight of Swords (in some decks, a Prince) in this position, change is afoot; no longer drifting with the currents, you are assertively directing the flow. Although we often wait until things happen to us, the Knight of Swords likes to be the prime mover in a situation.

If you are respectful of natural timing, the innate enthusiasm of this horseman can facilitate change. Nevertheless, be careful not to try to control the outcome. You will serve the situation best by being receptive, so the finest ideas have a chance to emerge. Avoid second-guessing what the highest and best outcome should look like. The best this horseman has to offer is creative intellect combined with mental resilience.

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R-RATED RIDDLES
1. Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
2. Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new
car.
3. Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
4. Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
5. Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
6. Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.
7. Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.
8. Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
9. Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
10. Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
11. Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
12. Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
13. Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
14. Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
15. Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
16. Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
17. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
18. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
19. Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
20. Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
21. Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch.


--
"First Clench of Shar-On"
followers of His Oneness J.R.Bob
Dobbs founder of "The Church of
the Subgenius" Can I leave some
literature with you?

The Land of Motherly Earth

You are a natural patron of the Land of Motherly
Earth. You represent everything that is
naturally pure and wonderful. You blossom in
natures presence and that is when you feel the
most tranquil. Your disposition is calm and
refreshing. You are lovely and perfect in your
own unique way.


What is the mystical land of your birth? {13 results with gorgeous anime pics}
brought to you by Quizilla

Mage -- You are the mage! You do not fight with
weapons or any of the physical means humans use
to destroy each other. Instead you utilize the
natural elements and the magic that binds this
world together. You are an enigma and are rare,
but you are still a fight. Whether you are on
the side of good or bad you are a powerful
force that can be terrible to behold. You
should never be underestimated!


What type of warrior are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Hawk (The Explorer): Free. Spirited. Happy. Honest.
Adventurous. Passionate & Compassionate. Hard
working.


What winged creature of the sky are you? (Personality Type Quiz)
brought to you by Quizilla

FAERIE

You are a faerie. Faeries are
miniature, winged versions of humans or elves.
They are usually very merry and cheerful. They
are masters at healing and magic. They
symbolize peace, happiness, faith, and purity.
They are usually very beautiful. And not to be
confused with the pixie they are not
mischeivous or ill-tempered.


Which mythical creature resides in your soul? (11 Results + Pictures)
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You are the Minister of Silly Walks


What Monty Python Sketch Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

-The Great Below-
Extremely sensitive, you are still waiting for that
one love to either return or come into your
life for the first time. You know deep down
that you're going to end up getting hurt again,
but you're still hopeful.


What Nine Inch Nails song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.


So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it “Devil’s Food."


God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied,"Yes"! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.



God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs


Thought for the day ...

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world. (You are not old but I sent it to you anyway)

Maybe this will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!



The year is 1904. One hundred and one years ago. What a difference a century makes!



Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1904:



· The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.

· Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.

· Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

· A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

· There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

· The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

· Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

· The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

· The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour.

· The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

· A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, A mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

· More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.

· Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as substandard."

· Sugar cost four cents a pound.

· Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

· Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

· Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

· Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.

· The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were: #1 - Pneumonia and influenza, #2 – Tuberculosis, #3 – Diarrhea, #4 - Heart disease and #5 - Stroke

· The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

· The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30!!!

· Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.

· There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

· Two of 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write.

· Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated high school.

· Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." (Shocking!)

· Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic.

· There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.



And I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself, and sent it to you in a matter of seconds! Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years... it staggers the mind.